The Real Distance Between You and Success
Scott James
http://www.WebsitesForRockstars.comFollow @ihelpmusicians
There’s something standing between you and the success you’re after. Do you know what it is? Are you sure?
Have you ever encountered an artist who appeared completely delusional to you?
I’ve posted a few examples below from youtube that might strike that chord for you. First let me make it clear that my intention is not to publicly humiliate these artists. They deserve a lot of credit for having the guts to put themselves out there and doing the best that they know how. That being said, I want you to really look at the lack of calibration and the incongruence:
Do you think those artists understand what’s between them and the success they’re after? Do you think they really appreciate the distance they’d have to travel internally to be successful and respected as serious artists?
But you and I do right? We don’t have any of that in us…
I remember the first song I ever wrote. It was at least as bad as any unintentional comedy that you’ll find on YouTube. At the time though I thought it was great! I was sure it was a hit. I was God’s gift to the world of songwriting. I was sure of it.
I try never to forget that song. I never want to forget how sure I was about it and how wrong I was. There’s an important lesson there.
I believe that the real barrier to success isn’t in doing the work it takes to get there, but rather, it’s learning just how much work it will actually take. The insidious problem that we need to be aware of is that we aren’t psychologically prepared or sufficiently motivated to do the work that we need to do because we tend to think we’re closer to our goals than we really are.
The fact that we tend to be pretty poor judges of our own work is further complicated by what’s know as the ‘confirmation bias‘. Whether we think we’re awesome or terrible we find evidence to support this in the outside world. We’re constantly looking to re-enforce what we already believe.
So how do you know when your perception meets reality and how do deal with this problem? Those are important questions to ask. After all, our delusions seem totally real to us when we’re in the middle of them.
I don’t think the answer comes easily. Even the least skilled artist can find praise in the outside world that will re-enforce the most far-fetched delusions, so maybe the outside world isn’t the place to start. I think the answer starts on the inside by being open to feedback and letting go of our beliefs about ourselves for long enough to see another perspective.
It’s counter-intuitive to open ourselves up to rejection and criticism. We naturally want to seek validation. We’re biased to see only the things that validate us and our views. The more evolved, more effective and ultimately more powerful approach is to seek invalidation. To look for the areas where we’re missing things with the intention of using that feedback to become stronger. It’s a process of calibration. Musicians who learn to love and value this process will have far more true confidence and be far more effective than those who are only seeking validation.
You need to learn to love finding out that you’re not as good as you though you were – because that’s the key to getting real results. When you know you’ve got work to do then you can do it. When you deceive yourself you can’t learn what you need to know to get better. When you’re not dealing with reality your power is only in your mind. When you’ve got the guts to open yourself up and the courage to allow yourself to be scared and disappointed and frustrated in the name of progress then you’re on the way to making things happen in the real world.
Cool article. I like the modern and human perspective if that makes sense..
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So how do you strip away the delusion to know how far you have to go?
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Nice article, Scott. The phenomenon of many folks’ reluctance to do the hard work it takes to succeed in music or whatever passion project is at hand is well explained by funny-but-true Cracked article: “How the Karate Karate Kid Ruined the Modern World”: http://www.cracked.com/article_18544_how-the-karate-kid-ruined-modern-world.html
Rocky III, and a dozen other 80s and 90s movies in the mold are also guilty.
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Thanks Billy. Great post on Cracked. So true!
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Michael, I think the key is the internal shift from narcissistic validation seeking, where you look for proof that you’re good to a more mature and open minded outlook where you look for feedback to find out where you’re not as good as you think you are. It’s about associating the calibration process with pleasure because you want results in the real world as opposed to associating the process with pain because you don’t want to face things that are difficult.
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I don’t find myself to be a narcissist about the stuff I write. Its more the opposite. I kind of run through a list of questions; “Is this good enough?” “Will people like this enough to want to hear it again?” “Does it have commercial potential?” “It it annoying?” “Will people think I suck?” Asking these question is a part of what I call my ‘self-awareness’ be it positive or negative. Being able to step back and see the whole picture is completely different skill, and I feel, one needed to understand how good you really are compared to others. And even if you learn to craft your self-awareness, it doesn’t always reflect on how well you can improve your natural talent. However, it should be an eye opener to such things as improving singing through more lessons, more focus on making melodies and hooks engaging, etc.
But how do you get to that point of really knowing how good you are? Aside from having a certain level of skill and talent, you will only be able to reach a parallel amount of success with that natural talent.
I also feel that society has its collective opinion and that raw talent creates opportunities. If people aren’t paying attention, it might be time to try a different direction. Those who refuse to change, will always find themselves at a dead end of their potential career, regardless if they think they ‘deserve’ success. Its sort of like natural selection.
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I think one of the hardest things to do it accurately asses the truth of any compliment or insult. I try to tell myself there is some form of truth in either one, whether it’s someone saying I suck at something (I probably need work) or someone saying I’m amazing at something (the work I’ve done is paying off). Admitting I don’t know everything, and that I can learn from anyone I come in contact with was one of the hardest things I ever did, and must keep doing. Thanks for a great post; the ego can always use some deflating.
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One area where most of us can find good, honest feedback on our work is our songwriting. Most areas have a songwriters society or workshop where you can have your songs critiqued, and then help other writers by critiquing their stuff. Many areas also have a local branch of the Nashville Songwriters Association International (NSAI). Their focus is more on commercial country, but members usually tend to be more experienced, have worked harder on their craft and have better “ears”. The basics of a good song hold true for most music genres. If you are not close to an urban area that has enough musicians to support a criique group, try http://www.songU.com. I was a member for couple of years and it is a great value ($25 per month I think). Again, emphasis on Nashville type songs, but that’s where the most attention has been paid to the craft and art of songwriting, and where you’ll find expertise you can absorb.
PS I arrived here via the The CD Baby repost. Good blog!
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I’m always critiquing myself to see where I need improvement (and being nit picky virgo, it seems I’m never finished improving, LOL), and I ask others what they think as well. The problem I have is the people you encounter, who just dump hate and insults w/o offering any constructive suggestion on how it could be made better. YouTube is a good example of that. Also, phrases that begin, “Don’t nobody wanna hear…” are things I tend to ignore, because it’s not constructive, and invalid to boot. There’s always someone out here who will be interested in what you write. The thing is to find more of them to be successful…to get yourself heard and have a congruent fanbase.
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Yeah, it gets tough, but you gotta keep the faith and keep moving forward! http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/kristofferson-kris/to-beat-the-devil-13009.html
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Great information on the site Scott. Thanks.
I get this “Why don’t you do this or that type music?” My answer? If a certain genre of music doesn’t move me then how can I perform it and expect others to be moved by it? Therefore, I do the music that moves my spirit. That way it’s real to me and hopefully that will come across to those listening to me.
Furthermore, I write my own songs and I, like all songwriters, never know just what will inspire a new song. My sister once told me, “When you sing it comes from your heart and spirit. It speaks to those listening. That is something real and something positive.” I steer away from songs that convey the non-positive.
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Thanks Don! Good insight. A lot of people waste their time trying to chase what’s hot. True artists look inside for inspiration. They know that something is cool because they make it cool, not because someone else says so!
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